01
THE FIRST REPLY
At 3:17 AM, somebody typed “well actually” under a post about sandwiches. The sentence was wrong. The confidence was perfect.
// INCIDENT ACERTIFIED
REPLY GUY
REPLY GUY
100%
UNHELPFUL
UNHELPFUL
NAME: REDDIT TROLL // TICKER: $TRODDIT
THE COMMENT SECTION GOT A FACE.
He read the whole thread. He understood none of it. He replied anyway.
ACTUALLY...
SOURCE?
DOWNVOTED.
01 / ORIGIN STORY
BORN IN A THREAD NO ONE FINISHED READING
HE WASN’T BORN.
HE WAS UPVOTED INTO EXISTENCE.
02
THE FEED NOTICED
Every pointless argument gave him another wrinkle. Every downvote sharpened the grin. Every locked thread made him stronger.
// INCIDENT B03
NOW HE’S LOOSE
He has one mission: enter every conversation, miss the point, and leave with the last word.
// CURRENT STATUS: ONLINE02 / THREAD SIMULATOR
INTERACTIVE SOCIAL DAMAGE
CHOOSE A POST.
HE’LL RUIN IT.
Tap a post and watch the troll manufacture a completely unnecessary opinion.
u/reddit_troll
Actually, this is objectively the worst possible way to make toast. I have 14 tabs open proving it.
03 / CHAOS ENGINE
DO NOT GIVE HIM ATTENTION
FEED THE
TROLL.
Drag the meter. The more attention he gets, the less reasonable the internet becomes.
IGNOREDUNBEARABLE
38%typing a paragraph...
“not reading all that”
“you’re missing the point”
“citation needed”
“edit: wow this blew up”
CAUTION: DO NOT ENGAGE // CAUTION: DO NOT ENGAGE //
THE UNOFFICIAL RULES
TROLL
PROTOCOL
READ 12%.
Form 100% of the opinion.
REPLY FAST.
Accuracy is slower than confidence.
NEVER CONCEDE.
If cornered, change the topic.
ASK FOR A SOURCE.
Never click the source.
LAST WORD WINS.
This is not true. It does not matter.
THE THREAD IS OPEN
DON’T FEED
THE TROLL.
JOIN HIM.
REDDIT TROLL is the patron saint of unnecessary replies, weaponized confidence and terminal online behavior.